Subject: [humor] How to choose your 40K army
From: Tom Beliech <badmoon@southeast.net>
Date: Mon, 09 Jun 1997 20:25:38 +0000
Message-ID: <339C66C2.36DC@southeast.net>

Stuck on what army to choose for 40K? Have the standard considerations
(personal style, paint scheme, cost, fun factor, other-players factor,
trade availability, etc.) failed to help you make that all-important
army choice? Well, suffer no more - just take this handy-dandy
questionaire!

I. Which would you most like to do at night?

1) Meditate and think about drinking blood
2) Meditate and think about killing your heretical brothers
3) Meditate on the Emperor's studliness
4) Drink Ale, Brag and sharpen your fangs
5) Eat squigs and bash Grots
6) Rape, Pillage and cause havoc
7) Mourn your fallen ancestors and shine your gems
8) Eat fleshy thingssss
9) Polish your tanks and pray for better personal armor
10) Practice with lascannons and look for a codex.

II.  Which fighting style is more "you"?

1) Chant hymns and draw the foe's blood with your chainsword
2) Chant hymns and mow the foe down with Speeder-mount Cannons
3) Chant hyms and mow down the foe with bolters
4) Howl at the foe as you cut him down
5) Yell WAAAGH and attack whatever isn't green
6) Drag your foe's soul screaming into the warp
7) Don your ancestor's armor and his "spirit" guides you
8) Run forward and eat anything fleshy
9) Stand back and hope the Tanks shoot everything first
10) Shoot Lascannons and wish for a codex.

III. What's your favorite edibles?
1) Blood Pudding
2) Anything sparse
3) Anything tasty to a human
4) BEER (or ALE, on a light day)
5) Squigs
6) Anything foul
7) Light, fine wines
8) Anything organic
9) Anything besides army food
10) STRONG beer

IV. My favorite warrior hero would...
1) Use his Bloodlust to gain awesome power
2) Kill traitors by the dozens
3) Serve the Codex faithfully
4) Charge genestealers with only a chainsword
5) Spit a squig off a wall at 50 feet, at shoot it before it lands
6) Sacrifice hundreds of souls to his chosen deity
7) Defend his dying race against all odds
8) Eat every darned thing within reach
9) Wear decent armor and ride in a tank
10) Carry a BIG Axe and write a codex

V. What's your view of the Emperor?
1) Our Savior. Our Primarch died to save him
2) Our Great Leader. We hunt those who betrayed him.
3) Our Inspiration. We serve him dutifully.
4) Our leader Until Leman Russ returns
5) A dead 'oomie.
6) He will bow before us one day, I swear!
7) A sometime ally, a sometime foe. An asset to the final battle.
8) A big nuisance to our dinner party.
9) Our Lord and Master. Faith in him is your armor.
10) A great leader; a little pushy, but a great guy. Now, if only he
would grant us a stinkin' codex...

Now, tally your selections together. The number that has the most
selections is your army of choice:

1) Blood Angels
2) Dark Angels
3) Ultramarines
4) Space Wolves
5) Orks
6) Chaos
7) Eldar
8) Tyranid
9) Imperial Guard
10) Squats

Good luck, newcomers!

Tom Beliech