Subject: WHFB: Gribblegut, a Goblin's Tale [Humour] From: Vampire Date: Mon, Nov 24, 1997 20:00 EST This was a time when Grom the Paunch trod the land. And promptly trod in shit. Wiping it off on a handy gobbo he strode on. To step in more shit. It was everywhere. Runny, rapacious gobbo shit, stinky, stringy orc shit, putrid piles of black orc shit and the worst of all, disgustingly dreadful hobgoblin shit. (Not that it was really any worse than anybody elses, but, well they wuz hobgobs weren't dey!) Grom was literally shitty by this stage. He couldn't walk anywhere with out seeing, smelling or stepping in shit. Greenskins being what they were, there was no such thing as sanitation or sewerage so everybody just went when and where they felt the urge to go. To Grom though, this just wouldn't do. Not that he cared about the smell. He smelled quite bad enough already (and was proud of it) but he just hated the way it squished between his toes. Finally, after stepping in a particulary slimy pile of dung that squished abominably, Grom with a roar of rage made a decree... "Alright youz lot! I's 'ad enuf!! You lot ain't gonna shit 'ere no more!!! Every last wun a youz lot is gonna go crap in da jonz wot da gobbo's is gonna dig an if I catch ANYWUN takin' a crap anywhere else I'm gonna stuff 'is 'ead up 'is own bum!!!" And with that Grom strode off. And promptly stepped in shit. Some time later, Nimblenuts, a goblin, was walking down the path looking for squigs when he saw Gribblegut, another gobbo, squatting by the side of the path and apparently taking a crap. Nimblenuts was horrified. "Wot you doin' ya flamink squig fer brainz! If Grom catches ya e'll shuv ya up ya own asshole!" In a sullen voice Gribblegut replied "I don't care!" "But e'll kill yas till yas dead!" "I don't care!" came the reply. "But e'll rip ya opun an use ya bones fer teefpicks!" "I don't care" Gribblegut said again. "Look" Gribblegut finally said. "I wuz at da jonz takin' a crap like I wuz sposed ta when Crookfang da black orc came an squatted down next ta me. Nice day sayz I. Shaddup ya git sayz he. Den he looks down at me an he sayz ey ya git, 'ave youz got warts? No more dan enywun else I sayz. Wat about fleaz ya mangy git. I ain't got none I says, I pick 'em off an eat 'em regular like. An den he aks me ifn I got piles. Piles a wot? sayz I. Piles on ya scrawny butt ya git! No sayz I. And then 'e picked me up an wiped 'is ass wif me!" The End Vampire